Lighten Up

My four year old is bursting with song. He sees everything through the eyes of music. He hears rhythms and beats where others hear noise. He wants to sing and play instruments with other people and for other people. He doesn't do it for the glory, he's not motivated by that. He simply does it because he loves it. He enjoys sharing what he loves. And you know what happens when he does? He spreads joy.

He inspires me. I love witnessing his passion and his confidence. At this point, when he sings publicly, he likes me right next to him softly singing along. I've seen him breathe deep right before letting out those first words. His love for singing trumps any fear he has.

Whether he's on the couch in his pajamas or all dressed up on stage...he sings. I want to privately live out the good desires I have, and be willing to share them publicly too. I make it so complicated. I analyze and criticize. I do this to myself, and worry that others will do it to me as well.

I'm often reminded of this quote. "Joy is to be found when you don't take life or yourself too seriously." ~Martin Luther

Honestly, the first time I read that I didn't like it...because I'm so serious. But the more I pondered it, the more it resonated with me.

Basically...

Lighten up.

Don't be overly self-conscious.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes.

Don't always try to measure results.

Don't stop sharing because of fear of rejection.

Get over yourself and do the good work God has for you to do!

For all the people that may judge or criticize, there are many who will be glad that you shared your life and your gifts. I continually need to get my eyes off myself (stop taking myself so seriously), and enjoy living out the unique plans God has for my life.

Just like my son wants me right next to him on stage, I do find it helpful to have a couple close people to cheer me on. We all need encouragement to be brave.

First Impressions vs. Reality

First impressions can be far from the truth, or at least the whole truth. I was glad that my new friend spoke what was running through her mind when she walked into my house for the first time. I was able to laugh and show her reality.

Almost every week for the last several years, I've had women over to my house for a time of encouragement. I was recently reminded of a night back in February when I had met a new friend and invited her to join us.

The first words that came out of her mouth when she walked through the door of my house were, "Oh my goodness. You're never coming to my house. Your house is so clean!" I literally burst out laughing. It was especially funny to me (and my other friends), because earlier that day my house was a complete disaster! It was so bad in fact, that I had sent a group text of some of the messy rooms to my friends who would be joining me later. I was glad I did! I was able to show her the pictures so that she knew I wasn't exaggerating when I told her my house was rarely this clean.

pictures from that day

This is the deal. It's not that I clean my house really well those evenings because I'm trying to impress my friends or make them think my house is always in order. They know me and have been to my house plenty of times when it's being..."lived in". However, when I know they are coming and I want to have a nice relaxing time, I go the extra mile to make my house look peaceful. I enjoy setting the atmosphere.

Some people feel relieved when they walk into a messy house because they can relate, and they perceive that they aren't trying to be impressed. Others can't relax in a mess and feel uncomfortable. There have been times when I was unsure whether I should clean up or leave the mess, not knowing what would make others feel good, and ME more relatable. I don't want people to think I'm perfect or pretending. I don't want people to feel uncomfortable! There's no formula. I give up. I can't figure out what others want and what will leave a good impression. The thing is, I can't live for impressions. They aren't complete.

I'm going to be myself. That means if I want to clean, light candles, and play music for guests, I will. If someone unexpectedly shows up at my front door and I have to warn them not to trip on the toys, I'm not going to be embarrassed and make excuses. Neither of these pictures is a lie, they are simply incomplete.

I'm going to try to remember this when I get a glimpse of someone else's reality, and start to believe that the snapshot is the whole.

These are all actual pictures from that day. 

Homeschooling: It's About Time

Trust me, you don't need a teaching degree in order to homeschool, you need helpful resources and lots of encouragement. This is my ninth year homeschooling and I still seek these out daily. With six children (ages 13 to 1) my house is quite a commotion, but being a mom and teaching my children is where my heart is. It's an awesome responsibility that I believe is worthy of my efforts. For me, homeschooling is simply an extension of mothering. It's very challenging, but anything worth doing is.

Never a dull moment!

My husband and I both attended school, and did not have any big plans to homeschool. I remember when my oldest was four years old, visiting schools in anticipation of sending her off. My heart just didn't feel right about it. We decided to "try" homeschooling for kindergarten. We never looked back.

It's always a challenge. Every year changes. Each child is unique, and every couple years there seems to be a new one! I never feel "put together" but I'm beginning to be okay with that. I've learned over the years how to make positive changes and shifts that help me keep my sanity.

Teaching isn't the most difficult part for me right now. I have collected some great resources over the years. I am more confident. I don't worry so much about the world's "standards".

Currently, trying to maintain some sort of peace and order is a struggle for me. If only all my children were so grateful to have the wonderful life they have and thank me for all of my hard work and endeavors, always loving one another and putting each other first...ahhh. That would be heavenly. A maid would be nice too.

Most days I feel like I'm in a boxing ring. But I keep getting back up. I'm trying to lead my children. Sometimes I get sucked into the chaos and immaturity. I'm learning to be mature. Be slow to speak. Laugh. I've found that tickling the crazy kid that's driving me nuts, sometimes breaks the crazy in us both.

I know that I'm building something special in my home. That's why I don't give up. It's crucial to remember the big picture. When I'm sleep deprived and my 4 year old is yelling at me to get him water...I want to dump the water on his head and go back to bed. I need to be able to call to mind that this job is important. Being a mom who can see past her kid's selfishness and love him anyway, that matters.

All these little moments add up to a life. I want to make the most of the time I have with my children. Homeschooling offers me more time with them, which is the main reason I do it. We are living this life out together side by side. We are learning and growing not only in knowledge, but in relationship.