Like Walking on Water

At times I am full of faith and overflowing with love as I take care of my six children. Then I have moments when fear creeps in and tries to overwhelm me...

"How am I going to do all that needs to be done? Am I giving each child the attention they need? What kind of world are my kids growing up in? Will they love the Lord Jesus?"

It's in those moments that I feel like Peter walking on the water. I have all this faith to step out of the boat to do the impossible, because I know He's calling me. Then I see the wind. I become afraid and start sinking. I cry out, "Lord, save me!" He immediately reaches out His hand and catches me.

I need to keep my eyes focused on Him. It was when Peter saw the wind, that he became afraid and started to sink. I don't want to be distracted by fear, and let faith give way to doubt. However, I'm thankful that when I do, I can call on Him. He always catches me.

I am passionate about being a mom. God has helped me to see the immeasurable value there is in the ministry of motherhood...in loving children. I want to do His will, knowing that He provides what I need. I must have faith in His abilities. It's not about what I'm capable of, it's about my willingness to surrender. As I release control, as I let go of fear, as I lay my life down and open my hands - God fills me, meets me, ministers to me, and revives me. He flows through me, and I get to be a vessel of His life and love to the people around me. What could be better than that?

Seeing Him

It's interesting how when we choose to focus on seeing a particular thing, it becomes so prevalent. I never realized how many yellow cars there were until recently, when my kids started playing "Yellow Car". Whenever one of them sees a yellow car, they yell "yellow car", and get a point. At the end of a car ride, whoever has the most points wins. In the beginning it was just on an occasional car ride. Then it became every car ride. Now they can be in the house and if they see one out the window they automatically shout "yellow car". It's become automatic. And now even my husband and I are saying "yellow car".

It's easy to let myself be overwhelmed with fear and anxiety when I look at the state of this world...if I focus on horrible things without considering God. However, when I contemplate the awesomeness of the God who created this planet, and that He is alive and at work here, His peace calms my worried heart. I am able to see things differently. I begin to see Him at work all around me. I want to practice recognizing Him, until it becomes automatic. I want to trust Him with today, and with all of the tomorrows. That is where this poem came from.

Seeing Him
Whatever I set my mind to see,
Will be the lens, through which I view reality.

Am I looking for evil, wickedness and strife?
It's quite easy to find, there's so much of it in this life.

There's also beauty, gifts and grace.
If I choose to look, I see the love of God also filling this place.

He has written His own incredible story,
One filled with love, redemption and glory.

I won't hear Him mentioned in broadcasts on the news,
He's not part of the peoples' different point of views.

I will choose to meditate on the truth of His book,
It's living and active and the place I must look.

It's there He reminds me of His ultimate plan,
To redeem and restore His people and land.

The details of my future, don't need to be known for me to be ready,
It is He who will prepare me, my Rock who keeps me steady.

He knows everything that is coming my way,
Whatever it is, in His presence I will stay.

That is where perfect peace will abound,
In Him, all grace I need is found.

(Rachel Ranae 10.23.13)

The Impossible Life

I don't want to plan my life according to "my abilities". I want to continually follow Jesus into the unknown, unfamiliar paths, living by faith. He is strong in my weaknesses. He is glorified abundantly in the impossible. He delights in using "the least".

The more inadequate I am, the nearer I'm drawn to Him. I see the frailness of my humanity and the awesome immeasurable power of the Almighty God. He is my Father who is intimately acquainted with the details of my little life, aware of everything. There have been times when He seemed to be deaf to my cry. But then, in His perfect timing, He revealed Himself. Powerfully. Undeniably. Not because I'm important, but because He is that awesome. I don't doubt Him anymore. I try not to limit Him in my life.

That's why I don't want to put restrictions on His plans for me...live according to my abilities and strengths. His power is made perfect in weakness. The more "impossible" my life becomes, the more I recognize His hand in it. I don't want to shy away from His plans for me. Fear will have to flee!

"For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10 ESV)

(Photo credit: Rachel Ranae)

Floodgates of Fear

There are times when I feel like I'm holding back floodgates of fear. It seems, if I let even a trickle in, it will make way for a river to overwhelm me completely. I don't want even "little" thoughts carelessly wandering around in my mind. So I have to focus. I have to intentionally recognize those things, and give them to the Lord. Submit my thoughts to Him.

It doesn't have to be drawn out. It may only take a moment, and then I simply behold who my great God is. Keep my eyes on Him. My Strength. My Rock. My Fortress. My Deliverer. My Shield. My Stronghold. He will still the raging waters. I cannot hold them back in my own strength.

One thing in particular that seems to come to mind, sometimes in the midst of complete fun with my family, is fearing the next hardship we may face. It's like I hear,"You're having so much fun! This can't last too long. Suffering will soon be on it's way!" I hate that. I just want to enjoy these moments, this season.

I will accept suffering, however I don't desire or long for it. I only long for my Lord. He is with me always...in good times and bad. I want to rest in that. TRUST HIM! And I want to fully enjoy this season in which my family is having much fun together, without fear whispering in my ear!

I want to be content in all circumstances. I hear the words of Paul, "...I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." - (Philippians 4:11-13 ESV)

I must not forget the secret of contentment---I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. I can embrace happiness. I can embrace suffering...all because I am embracing Him! He loves me. Perfect love casts out all fear!

Let Him Heal You

Let go of the walls of shame that isolate you and feed your fear. Shame tells you that you are uniquely and fatally flawed...no one else will understand. But if you can believe the truth and stop letting fear control you, healing and freedom will come. He will NEVER abandon you, no matter how dark or long the journey. He restores, mends, and heals. Praise God!

Courage

"True courage is not the absence of fear -- but the willingness to proceed in spite of it." (anonymous)

Courage leads me to the door of my fear, and helps me to open it. Once I cross over the threshold, His grace floods me. He never fails. But I have to take that first step! He gives me what I need WHEN I need it. I have to have faith, and the desire to obey His will above mine.

I know from my own experiences, He's asked me to do some things that I've been scared to do. But the blessings that have come from doing those things has been tremendous! And once I took that first step, He was right there with me, supplying all of my needs.

I hope that as I practice submitting to God instead of being controlled by fear, that fear will become less and less prevalent in my life.  God is faithful.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9 ESV)

Photo credit: federico stevanin

My Best Friend

"The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!"
(Habakkuk 3:19 Amplified Bible)

God had just given me strength that I could not mistake as my own.  Afterwards, I collapsed on the couch...weary and burdened.  He led me to that scripture, in that version, which I had not read before.  It was perfect.  It stirred praise in my heart.  I love when He speaks to me so specifically.  Then he gave me a song.  He knows how I need songs.  I played this one over and over until I could fall asleep.  He truly is my best friend.

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Be at Peace

   "Do not look forward to the changes and chances of this life in fear.  Rather look at them with full hope that, as they arise, God, whose you are, will deliver you out of them.  He has kept you hitherto; do you but hold fast to His dear hand, and He will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand, He will bear you in His arms.
    Do not look forward to what may happen tomorrow.  The same everlasting Father who cares for you today will take care of you tomorrow, and every day.  Either He will shield you from suffering, or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.  Be at peace, then, put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations." -Frances De Sales

   "The Lord is my shepherd.  Not was, not may be, nor will be.  'The Lord is my shepherd,' is on Sunday, is on Monday, and is through every day of the week; is in January, is in December, and every month of the year; is at home, and is in China; is in peace, and is in war; in abundance, and in penury."- J. Hudson Taylor  (who spent the majority of his life as a missionary in China)

(Photo Credit: Engeni Dinev)

I read those quotations this morning in one of my favorite devotionals, Streams in the Desert.  I've been comforted by it's words many times.  I highly recommend it...whatever your "season"!

Drowning Out Lies

Sometimes in the quiet of the night when I'm lying in bed, I get overwhelmed with thoughts.  Most of them are not anything I should be wasting my time on.  Usually they are lies leading me to fear.  Or they may be exaggerations of the truth...lies.  They foster feelings of failure...as a wife, mother, friend, sister, etc.  There are times I have had terrifying dreams, and I wake up in the night flooded with intense feelings and thoughts.

There are a few ways the Lord has helped me to deal with this.

I have turned my fears into prayers (much like I described in my post "Always...In All Circumstances".  That has lifted the fear and I was able to receive His peace, and believe the truth.  The truth about me, about Him, about my circumstances.

A few times I just started saying who my God is (as written in the Bible).  My Comforter. My Redeemer. My Rock. My Refuge. My Helper. My Salvation.  I completely focused on who He is, and was at peace.

And then other times, I have just started singing praise to Him (not out loud :).  As I did, He met me.  Fear fled.  Lies gone.

Recently I watched a video about a severely autistic girl.  At times she will bang her head on the floor, hit things, shake, etc.  She said this is because she is getting so much input (what she is feeling, seeing, hearing), she tries to overcome it with output.  I thought that was so interesting.  Much like how we are surrounded with so many lies, that if we don't combat them with truth, we are overwhelmed.

So the other night when I felt bombarded with thoughts, I started singing to Jesus in my mind.  I found myself singing "louder" until the song was drowning out the lies.  It worked.  My "output" overcame the "input".

This is an up-close view of the wall at the foot of my bed.

The Future

I am glad that I don't know the future. I am glad that I know Who does...and He loves me. He is so good to prepare me for what is to come, in ways that I am not even aware of.  I find peace in knowing that whatever happens circumstantially, if I am trusting in, relying on, and clinging to Him...I couldn't be anywhere better.

I do not have strength from God, for things I am not currently experiencing.  I can imagine scenarios, and become very afraid.  But God is not in that imaginary world, He is in reality.  I need to stay there with Him.  And when reality is terrifying, He never leaves me.  He holds me.

"fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  (Isaiah 41:10 ESV)

FEAR

Fear is one of my worst enemies.  I hate how it just creeps in out of nowhere!  For the last couple of days, I have been randomly annoyed by fear.  Sounds funny to say it that way, but that is how I feel.  I really shouldn't shrug it off because sometimes those "random annoyances" plant seeds.  If I don't throw them out immediately, they might start growing roots, and then sprout forth in my actions!

I do not want to be motivated by fear!  I find that fear keeps me distracted mentally, steals my joy, and paralyzes me.  All terrible!  I want none of it.

I love this.  1 Peter 3:6 "...do not fear anything that is frightening."

Psalm 112:7 "He (the righteous) is not afraid of bad news; his heart is firm, trusting in the LORD."

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."

It's not like we need to lie to ourselves and live in denial about the fact that bad things are guaranteed to happen.  We need to TRUST!  Trust that He will never leave us.  Trust that He will sustain us.  I almost feel ridiculous that I should struggle with trusting Him, but at times I battle.

I like these quotes from Oswald Chambers:

"How much of our security and peace is the outcome of the civilized life we live, and how much of it is built up in faith in God?"
"Unbelief is the most active thing on earth; it is a fretful, worrying, questioning, annoying, self-centered spirit.  To believe is to stop all this and let God work."
"All our fret and worry is caused by calculating without God."  

(Bible quotes ESV;Oswald Chambers quotes from In the Presence of His Majesty)